We Thought It Was Over We Were Wrong
by Sexy-Foxface
Summary: The four of us weren't all suppose to survive, but we did. We had changed everything with that one simple action of defiance and now we were going to pay. The Capitol would enjoy in watching us suffer. They want to hear our tortured screams echo off the walls of the arena; they want us to beg for a mercy that will never come. Sequel to The Girl Who Changed Everything!
1. Life Was Never Easy

Hey guys so here is the first chapter of my sequel to The Girl Who Changed Everything. Let me know what you think!

It has been six months since I arrived home from the 74th Hunger Games. Life has been hard. I am now eight months pregnant and I still haven't seen the father Cato Valentine. We have exchanged letters a few times, but that is all. My nightmares, and day terrors haven't gotten any easier on me either, and I worry that all this stress is going to have an effect on my unborn child. The games haunt my dreams, and I sometimes see things that aren't real. I feel trapped by my own mind that is slowly driving me crazy. At this time all I can do is try and deal with it until the victor's tour that starts next week.

"Zoey your stylist is here," June calls from the hall. I drag myself from my desk and head down stairs. I smile as soon as I see Holden. He really has been a friend to me ever since I was reaped and sent to the capitol. "Zoey it is nice to see you," Holden says as he hugs me. "It's great to see you to. So I'm going to take a guess and say you have some lovely outfit to wear for the interview?" I ask curiously. "Yes, I do. So are you ready to show your talent to all of Panem? Holden asks. "I guess. I don't really want to share it, but I guess I don't have a choice," I say with a shrug. In two hours capitol people will be swarming my district again to interview me before the upcoming victor's tour. At this interview I have to display my new hobby that I have taken up since I won. Ever since I got home I can't help but write. I write stoires, and poems that are all based on my dreams. Some of them are disturbing and I had to be careful when it came to choosing what poem I would be sharing with Panem. By the time two hours have gone by Holden has me dressed in a simple silver dress, he also has my hair curled and my make up matches my dress. I walk downstairs and wait for the interviewers. "You look nice," Emerson smiles to me. "Thanks," I say. The relationship between Emerson and I has been strained. Every since I came home he has done all he can to take care of me, but I can't help but notice that he acts more with drawn with me. I know this has to do with the fact that I came back from the games carrying another tribute's child. I wait in the living room until there is a knock on the door and in a span of five minutes capitol people and cameras swarm my house. "Hi, I'm Theo Kelly and I'll be carrying out this interview today," A young man says as he shakes my hand. We decide to start the interview in the living room and soon the lights are shone on me and all eyes and cameras are pointed in my direction.

"Hello, Panem I'm Theo Kelly and I am here with one of the 74th Hunger Games victors Zoey Nightshade." I smile into the camera. "First of all I must say you are just glowing with your pregnancy," Theo exclaims. "Thank you, this child will be due within a month," I tell him. "How has the pregnancy been going any strange cravings?" Theo asks lightly. "Well everything has been pretty smooth, except that I have been craving pumpkin of all things of late," Everyone laughs at my comment. "Now I have to ask how are things with the father Cato Valentine?" Theo asks. I was hoping to avoid this topic, but I knew it was something that was going to come up. "Well we haven't seen each other since the games, but we have been writing letters back and forth," I tell Theo. "Well that's not the answer I was expecting, I was hoping for something a little romantic," Theo gushes. "Well there hasn't been much romance between us since we left the arena," I say quietly. "I am sorry to hear that. Well why don't we move on and see this new hobby you have taken up," Theo says trying to shift the mood. I lead the camera crew and Theo to my room. All over the walls I have posted different poems and short stories. "Well, ever since I got back I have been writing alot, and I guess I will share something that I wrote with you," I say as I walk over to my desk and pick up a small notebook. I flip through a few pages until I find what I want to read then I begin,

_The flashlights came out  
>The sound of them move<br>The wet of the ground  
>You're starting to lose<br>You took every breath  
>You traced all my steps<br>To start in the streets, and end what is left_

_I know that this is going leave you now  
>I know that this is going to take you down<br>I know that this is going to take you out_

_The house that I know  
>The flags they will blow<br>The races are where the current will go  
>The threats underway<br>The summer lit fades  
>Will start in the streets, and end in my veins<em>

_Losing all control  
>Losing all control this light you will find<br>You're losing all control  
>Losing all control you will fall behind<em>

_This was more than I had ever been afraid of  
>Another life<br>Another happy ending cuts like a knife  
>Another place, another time<br>Another hand to touch, another sun to shine_

_You got me deeper than deep and I'm constantly blinded  
>I'm running around but there's no place to hide<br>I start to talk in my sleep, our souls have divided  
>Why can't they forgive me these demons inside<br>My heart starts to shiver for I was letting up_

_Time will tell  
>A single day could help me break this spell<br>Don't want to be alone  
>When will I be understood when is my kingdom to come<br>Another boy, another life  
>Another happy ending, and I'll be alive<em>

_Did I ever tell you,  
>How you live in me?<br>Every waking moment  
>Even in my dreams<br>And if all this talk is crazy  
>And you don't know what I mean<br>Does it really matter?_

_People never tell you  
>The way they truly feel<br>I would die for you gladly  
>If I knew it was for real<em>

_If I'm true to myself  
>Nobody else can take the place of you<br>But I've got to move on  
>Tell me what else can I do?<br>_

As soon as I stop reading I realize the entire room as fallen silent. It takes a few minutes for Theo to collect his thoughts before he starts to talk again, "Wow that was beautiful." We finally wrap up the interview and after some food everyone leaves. I sit in the kitchen with Holden and Emerson. "That is the first time you have ever read what you write to anyone," Emerson says. "I know, but I didn't exactly have a choice now did I," I say. "I thought that was beautiful. Very deep," Holden tells me. "Thanks," I mumble. That poem means alot more to me than anyone would realize. "Zoey you should probably get some rest, we leave for the victor's tour in a few days," Holden tells me. I nod and head up stairs and collapse into a world of nightmares.


	2. Twisted Little Minds

Hey guys so I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to post this chapter I've been super busy with the holidays and getting stuff done for university for the fall, but I'll try to update at least once every few days so keep reviewing thanks guys :)

The day has finally come for the Victor's tour to take place. I'm ready hours before the train is supposed to even arrive. I can't help, but feel nervous and uncertain about how things will play out today. The time finally comes and it's time to go. I say my goodbyes and Caleb and I make our way to the train station. "Do you think you're ready to see him," Caleb asks me. "I don't exactly have a choice. What difference does it make if I'm ready to face Cato, or not," I shrug. Caleb doesn't press the subject any further. It takes us a little longer to reach the station due to the fact that this child will be due within a couple of weeks. I feel my stomach twist into knots as we reach the station. I walk onto the train repeating to myself keep your emotions in check, but I can't help but freeze when I see him sitting casually on a couch. Cato Valentine the brutal boy of District two, the one who killed my brother and stole my heart.

He turns and looks at me and I can't tell how he feels at all. Danm him for keeping his emotions masked. "Ummm, hey," I say to him feeling a tad bit awkward. All he does in nod in my direction. I can't help but feel extremely taken aback and hurt from this lack of interest in the girl who everyone thought he was in love with including me. I look at him with a confused look on my face. "What's with the face," Cato asks. "Umm, nothing I was expecting a little more than just a nod especially since I'm pregnant with your child," I snap at him. All he does is shrug. "Are you serious right now?" I ask him as I glare at him. "Well that child is you're problem," "Correction it is our problem," I cut him off in midsentence. I cannot believe him after everything we have been through he just sits there and acts like nothing ever happened between us. I can't even bare to look at him anymore, so I take off and find a room with my name on it and close the door behind me and slump to the floor. I sit there completely confused and hurt. Why is he acting like I never meant a thing to him. I sit there lost in thought until my brain begins to feel fuzzy and my vision starts to blur. At this I start to get worried cause I have learned these are symptoms to when I'm about to experience a day terror. I close my eyes tightly and cover my ears and begin to hum trying to block out the world. Well I finally open my eyes thinking I have avoided my terror I find out I'm wrong. Standing in front of me is the girl from District 7 who I beheaded during the games. I feel the terror rise up in my chest and I have to bite down on my tongue to hold back my screams. I watch in horror as the girl stands there and reaches for her neck and slowly severs her head from her body. At this sick sight I can't hold back anymore and I begin to scream. I close my eyes tightly and let my screams ring through the train. It takes me awhile to realize someone is calling my name.

When I finally stop screaming and open my eyes I realize Cato is kneeling in front of me he doesn't even bother to hide the fact that he looks worried. I look at him with bewildered eyes still trying to get over the nightmare I just witnessed. "Zoey talk to me please what's wrong?" Cato asks me sounding concerned. "I...Ummm...Day terror," I mumble and bury my face in my hands. I then feel Cato wrap his arms around me and embrace me. He doesn't even say anything he just holds me as the tears slowly roll down my cheeks. After a few moments Cato finally speaks, "I'm sorry for earlier. It's just that day when you got home I watched you run to the Emerson kid. The look on your face clearly read that he meant the world to you and I figured you two had something, so I decided I would slowly distance myself from you, but obviously if you're going through something like this I can't do that. "Emerson is my best friend and nothing more," I say quietly. "And I believe you. Now will you tell me what is wrong please," Cato almost begs. "I see them from time to time. Clove. Cooper. The tributes that died by my hands. They haunt my nightmares and even when I'm awake," I say while I stare at the ceiling avoiding eye contact. Cato stays silent for a moment before he answers, "I see them to every night. It's almost always the same dream. It's always me killing you're brother and having to watch Clove kill you right in front of me." Cato becomes very quiet. I take Cato's hand in mine and sigh. "I guess the games messed both of us up." "Yeah they did. I just want you to know how sorry I am for everything I put you through in those games. I regret killing Stark every day," Cato's voice trails off. I look at him and give him a sad smile. "There are things we all regret." Cato gets up and offers me his hand. I accept and get up off the floor. Cato places a hand on my stomach and smiles slightly, "It's still hard to believe that were going to be parents soon." I nod, "Well I feel bad this child is going to have the most unstable mother," I say quietly. Cato lifts up my chin so I am looking straight into his eyes. "I think you'll make a great mother." With that he lightly kisses me and smiles. "I'll meet you back in the dining hall my guess is that we are almost at District 12 to pick up the star crossed lovers," Cato smiles once last time then leaves closing the door behind him once again leaving me alone with nothing but my twisted little mind.


	3. Broken Smiles

I flop down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. I don't care if were almost at District 12 I need a few moments to myself. Its times like this that I wonder if surviving the Hunger Games as really worth it. I keep this thought to myself and tell no one not even Emerson that I feel this way. I wrap my arms around my stomach and know the only real thing that is keeping me slightly grounded is the fact that I know I am going to have a child. This child deserves a chance at life even if I already blew my own. I don't deserve to be here after everything I've done. I sigh and try to push those thoughts away being depressed is not going to get me anywhere. I slowly get up as the train starts to slow down and make my way towards the dining hall to greet Peeta and Katniss. Their romance almost seems perfect like they were really meant for each other. I'm sure they have their own problems that they keep hidden from the world, but I wouldn't know. I walk into the dining hall and see the star crossed lovers board the train along with their mentor Haymitch. They briefly shake Cato's hand and both of them smile when they see me, "Well you seem to be quite far along," Peeta says. I nod, "Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if this child is born during the tour," I respond.

I decide I'm not really up for socializing and wander back down a hallway. I go back to my room and find a notebook and pen and sit by the window thinking. Writing has been my only real escape. It blurs out the rest of the world and helps me forget everything that has happened. Emerson tells me I look like I'm in a trance when I write. According to him I look beautiful and at peace I always blush when he tells me this. I wish Emerson was here right now, I know things have been rocky between us ever since well Cato happened, but he was been there for me through everything and he promised me he won't ever leave me. I can only hope he keeps his promise if I lost him to well I don't even want to think about that. I close my eyes and let my mind wander excepting every thought that passes through my mind then I write:

"_I sit here with a smile on my face,  
>I smile as I breathe in deep,<br>and I smile as I close my eyes _

_The sky is dark,  
>as the freezing winds<br>seep into my bones,  
>I sit here smiling silently cold and empty;<em>

_I wait here frozen in time,  
>with my dreams torn apart,<br>my heart encased in a tomb,  
>I smile to mask my true emotions;<em>

_The mask that I wear is so perfect;  
>one needs to come a lot closer,<br>to see the tears trickling down my eyes;_

_The days are long,  
>the nights longer still.<br>I try to find the light,  
>but find comfort only in the dark;<em>

_emotions swell inside,  
>walking on a broken path,<br>I look up for the rainbow  
>hoping that one day I will get off<br>this broken path and onto a new one;"_

When I open my eyes and look at the words and I frown. Why does everything I write have to be so depressing? I sigh and stare blankly at the poem for a minute until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jump up and raise my fists, but slowly lower them when I realize it's only Katniss. "I'm sorry if I startled you," She tells me. "Its fine. Sorry for raising my fists to you. It's just my first reaction now a days," I shake my head and sit on the edge of my bed. "I understand I'm alot more jumpy now a days as well. I always feel like I'm being watched," she responds and I nod. "That's because we are." Katniss thinks about my words for a moment before she responds, "The capitol is planning something I'm sure. They don't like the fact that we out smarted them and four of us survived." "I know, but we shouldn't talk about it. Not here not now," I tell her. "Your right, we are almost at District 11 just so you know," She nods then leaves. I'm not exactly looking forward to this tour. I killed eight kids. Eight families are going to resent me for ending their child's life. Emerson told me people might sympathize for me due to my pregnancy all I told him is that people only see what they want to. They won't see a pregnant girl who is living with so much regret and remorse all they will see is the monster that murdered their child.

I make my way towards the dining hall and am engulfed by me prep team. "Zoey you are just glowing with your pregnancy!" Coralie exclaims. It takes all my will power not to roll my eyes and to give them a weak smile. I look across the room and lock eyes with Cato who tries to give me an encouraging smile. "Well shall we get started on preparing you for the victor's tour today?" Kane beams at me. These people are always so happy it's slightly irritating. Kane and Lorraine take my hands and the three of them lead me to another room that is filled with all sorts of makeup tools. God I did not miss having to get all dolled up for all of Panem to see. Over the next hour my body is scrubbed and plucked and I am finally ready to be presented to Holden. "Holden has missed working with you so much," Lorraine smiles. We wait a few more moments then Holden strides in carrying a garment bag. "Oh Zoey I'm sure you've heard this plenty of times already, but you look lovely with the pregnancy," He smiles and gives me a brief hug. "Thanks Holden," I smile softly. "Alright well let's get you ready," Holden says as he takes my hand and leads me to a private changing room. He has me dressed in a cute lilac dress that is still mildly modest that compliments my skin, and a pair of simple black ballet flats. Holden puts my hair in loose curls and applies very little make up. Once he is done I look in the mirror and wrap my hands around my stomach. "I know this probably isn't where you exactly want to be, but everything will work out for the best," Holden tells me with a soft smile. I nod, but remain silent. Holden and I walk through the train to the main carriage and meet up with the others. We are dressed simply for this tour. "You look lovely," Cato tells me as we walks up to me and lightly takes my hand. I flinch away from his touch unintentionally and he frowns slightly, but doesn't say anything. The four of us victors are then led off the train and into the brilliant sun. The air is warm and the wind blows softly through my hair. All of District 11 awaits us at the town square. We walk in silence towards the square and as we are about to take the stage I stop dead in my tracks and grip my stomach. I close my eyes and try to fight away the pain. Cato lightly touches my elbow and whispers, "Zoey are you alright?" I shake my head, "I think my water just broke."

**Hey guys so I know it's been ages since I've updated this story and I apologize. I also just wanted to say the poem in this story was not written by me, so I don't own it. Thanks for those of you who are still reading and review when you can! **


	4. Sorry Was Never Enough

"Wait what?" Cato says panic rising in his voice.

"My water...Broke," I breathe out gripping my stomach in pain.

In a quick moment Caleb is at my side his arms wrapped around me for support, "We need to get you to a hospital now."

I nod softly and close my eyes. I knew this day would be coming soon, but I could never really prepare myself for this. I'm about to become a mother. I repeat those words silently to myself in my head. I have to raise a child in this cruel world of Panem. For the first time fear grips at my throat taking away my ability to speak as I am rushed to the hospital.

"Zoey everything is going to be okay," Cato says in a soothing voice as I am taken to a hospital room.

The fear continues to eat away at my mind. Fear that one day our child will get reaped. The Capitol would enjoy seeing the child that should never have been born fall by their hands.

I nod silently trying to ignore the pain that seers through my body. I hold Cato's hand in a death grip as a doctor instructs me to push.

The next hour is painful and tiring, but it is finally over. I lie back in my bed and sigh in relief.

Cato leans over and kisses me lightly on the temple, "I know our child is going to be beautiful."

"I know," I say as a doctor walks in carrying a small baby wrapped in a blanket.

"Congratulations on your baby boy," The doctor smiles as he hands me our child.

The baby boy in my arms is the picture of innocence. Blonde hair just like his father sticks out of his head all over the place he opens his eyes and looks at me with the same emerald green eyes that match my own.

"He's beautiful," I whisper.

Cato takes my hand with a smile on his face, "What are we going to name him?"

"Hunter Stark," I say without hesitation.

"It's perfect. I assume you want to give him your last name," Cato says hopeful that I'll say no.

"Hunter Stark Valentine," I say and lean over and kiss Cato lightly.

This child no our child that lies in my arms quietly resting has the ability to make me forget everything. After everything that has happened in my life over the last year seems unimportant at this moment. I feel happy at peace a feeling I haven't felt in a long time.

The next few days go by quickly; I am released from the hospital and the Victory Tour continues.

Holden brushes out my hair before we are to attend the last celebration of the Games. We have to attend a large banquette here in District 2. I feel uneasy being here knowing what I did to the female tribute from here. Cato told me just to be strong, but I can't help, but feel like I'm about to crumble. I don't want to see her. The image of her I can only see.

"You should try to smile more often Zoey, I know you're worried about alot of things, but just relax. Caleb is taking care of Hunter tonight, so at least try to enjoy yourself." Holden tells me this as he helps me into my shoes. He still won't put me in heels which I will be forever thankful for.

I am led to a large hall and am bathed in bright lights. I blink a few times trying adjust when someone whispers in my ear, "Well don't you look lovely."

I turn around to see Cato and force a small smile. In a moment we are dancing. I feel safe in his arms' as if nothing can touch me. I try to ignore the fact that even he can't protect me from the Capitol's grasps.

I close my eyes and try to focus on nothing, but the feel of Cato's body against mine. This only works for a few moments. A buzzing noise erupts through my mind and I snap my eyes open. Standing by the doors I see Clove. She is wearing her outfit from the arena and her hair blows around her in a breeze that does not exist. It only takes me a few moments to realize I am having another hallucination.

She just stands there our eyes locked; then she turns and beckons me to follow. I pull away from Cato telling him I'll be right back and walk after her retreating image. Why I have chosen to follow something I know is only a figment of my imagination made to hurt me I will never know. I want to speak to this image, even if I know she's not really there.

She continues to walk ahead of me; her feet appearing to barely touch the ground. "I will miss this place you know," Her voice reaches me ears and I shudder at how real it sounds.

She abruptly stops and I walk closer, so I'm standing right behind her.

"I'll never get to see my home again. I will never get to train again, or feel the familiarity of the rush of throwing one of my precious knives again. I will never see my parents again, or hear how proud of me they are. I will never get married, or have a family. I will never grow old, or die a natural death. That is because you let them get the best of you Zoey," The sound of my name in her voice sends chills raking down my back. "It is because you killed me!" She screeches and turns around. I gasp at the sight of her and stumble back a few steps landing on the floor.

Her eye sockets are empty and when she opens her mouth to scream I can see that her tongue is missing. I cover my ears trying to block out the horrendous sounds of her screeching. "Please just stop! I'm sorry!" I yell out, but she doesn't stop. I slowly back away from her as she vanishes into wisps of ash. I lean back against the wall hugging my knees to my chest.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper quietly to myself. I let them win. I let them change me.

**I know I have been neglecting this story, but I'll try to keep updates coming more frequently. ^^**


	5. There's a Chance I May Go Back

My eyes gaze out the window without seeing; I have been this way since we left District 2. I can't explain to them exactly what it is I saw. I can't even begin to describe the horrors that dance along my mind threatening to spill over into my reality. I feel someone's hand placed lightly on my shoulder, but I almost don't feel his touch. To feel, but not feel at the same time is something that I cannot even begin to understand. I want that hand to belong to Cato, but I know he's back home now in District 2 as the train speeds away further across the country.

"Zoey, you can't just stay here forever and stare at nothing," The sound of Caleb's voice shatters my silence.

I don't answer him, but instead stand up and walk to my room. Hunter is fast asleep in his crib as I flop down on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I seem to do this allot as of late. It's as if I'm staring at something; that doesn't really exist. And what is it exactly that I'm staring at? Maybe that one sliver of hope that soon my nightmares will fade and let me carry on with my life. I know this hope is false and is something I will never being able to have. You cannot hold onto hope therefore I cannot have it. It shimmers in front of my eyes taunting me just out of my reach. I stretch out my hand and grab onto thin air. Something unreachable; that's all hope is to me.

I hesitantly close my eyes afraid of what I may see. Maybe the boys who heart I ripped out will visit me in my dreams, or perhaps Calypsa and Copper will slither their way into my nightmares. I don't want to sleep, but I can't fight anymore as sleep quickly takes hold of me.

My dreams don't make sense, but this is not new to me. I am floating in a liquid black state as large silver bubbles flit around me; in some form of a dance. I reach a hand towards one curiosity taking over. The surface is smooth and glassy. I add pressure to my hand until the bubble bursts. As soon as the bubble explodes a deafening scream slices through the silence; my hand becomes covered in a thick metallic liquid that I know too well. I jolt straight up my heart hammering in my chest the screams still ringing in my ears. The screams don't stop and I cover my ears; then I realize it's only Hunter's cries. I struggle to pull myself out of bed, but my entire body is shaking and I collapse to the floor. My breathing is shaky and I fight to regain control of my body. I hear a knock at my door, but I can't focus enough to answer it. Then there was nothing as the darkness swarms in on me again.

Nobody can explain to me what happened that night; the panic that took over crushing my very existence. Back home in District 9 I feel more at ease, but that fear that my mind could slip still looms over me. With Emerson at my side we sit in front of the television screen waiting for the Quarter Quell announcement. My breath catches in my throat as President Snow walks out onto the stage. I grasp Emerson's hand and he doesn't let go. I watch the screen unblinking afraid that I might miss something; anything. It feels as if there is nobody else in the room; except President Snow and myself. His eyes seem to pierce straight through the screen as he reads out the twist for this year's Games, "To remind all the Districts that even the strongest among them can't overcome the Capitol, each District is to reap their tributes from their existing pool of victors." Silence seems to overcome the room as his words start to sink in. There's a chance I may have to go back. To be trapped in that pace of hell once again.

Before anyone can stop me I am on my feet and I am running. I can hear Emerson calling for me, but I don't stop. I run blindly through the worn down streets of District 9 along a path that has become far too familiar to me. I collapse in front of the grave stone that reads my brother's name. I place my hand lightly on the cool marble and lightly trace my fingertips over his name.

"Stark, I-I might have to go back into the arena. I don't know if I can handle that. I am already, so unstable and I have a child to care for now. There is only two other female Victor's in our District and they both have families of their own. They wouldn't volunteer, but neither would I; not again. What am I supposed to do if I am reaped? I don't want to kill again; I just can't do it. Maybe if I am reaped I'll just let myself die. Maybe that will make up for all the lives I stole during our Games. I remember every detail of those short few weeks. I remember each face shown clearly in the sky. I can still recall the adrenaline that pumped through my veins as I ran for my life. Why would I bother running? Why not just give up?" I rest my head against the marble and sigh. "I know if you were here right now you could smack me for saying these things. I can almost hear you lecturing me how life is too precious to throw away just like that and I would know you are right. It's just to believe sometimes when I feel like I have lost all hope. I can't give up yet though; I must keep fighting. If not for myself then for a better future where my child can grow up without the fear of being reaped."

I curl up into a ball in the grass and close my eyes. "I miss you, you know that," I whisper quietly into the night. I can't give up not yet; it's not my time.


	6. The Wisdom of a Child

The sound of birds sweet chirps flood my ears as I slowly open my eyes. It takes me several moments to register the fact that slumber took hold of me before I could go home. I'm sure everyone is worried, but they should understand I need to be alone right now. I sit up pulling my knees to my chest and let my gaze fall to the sky; the only piece of perfection left in Panem. At this moment my mind starts to fully wrap itself around the concept that I may have to fight for my life once again, but this time with Caleb at my side. This is when I feel a pang of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I was so focused on worrying about my own life that my thoughts never once drifted to him. I at least stand of chance of not going back, but him being the only male victor in District 9 stands no chance at all.

As I walk back towards the victor's village I find myself wondering how exactly Caleb won. Did he kill as many tributes as I did? Did he hide among the trees until it came down to the final two? I never bothered asking him not wanting to bring on any unpleasant memories for him. But now we could be District partners fighting alongside each other for survival. I knock lightly on the door to Caleb's house and after no answer I push open the door and walk inside. The entire house is shrouded in darkness and reeks strongly of liquor.

"Caleb?" My voice rings out echoing off the walls back at me. I venture through the front hallway my feet kicking up small shards of glass shattered across the tiled floor. I swallow once afraid of the state I may find him in. I peek around the corner into the living area and see him sprawled out on the couch unmoving. I quicken my pace as a stride across the room and bring my hand down smacking him across the face. He jolts awake, but a small gasp of discomfort escapes his lips when he sits up much too quickly. His blonde hair is matted against his forehead and his deep forest green eyes are bloodshot.

I cross my arms as I look at him feeling as if I am a mother about to scold her child, "Caleb drinking is not going to make this situation go away."

He mumbles something inaudible as he wraps his arms around himself and looks down at the floor refusing to meet my gaze, "I just needed to forget if even for a little while; too many memories came flooding back last night."

I can see the pain flicker across the surface of his eyes as I kneel down in front of him and take his hands in mine. How I am able to keep such control over my emotions at this moment in time is one I shall never fully grasp, "The arena holds allot of memories for all of us not just you; just remember that."

He nods softly as he looks up at me, "Maybe this time I can die in the arena like I had planned to last time." These words hang in the air around us as I let them sink in. Caleb wanted to die but why? I study him closely and this is when I start to question how well do I actually know this young man sitting in front of me who looks so child like right now. His eyes are full of conflicting emotions as he searches my face for the answers nobody has been able to give him.

The light casted through the window bathes us in a soft golden light as the sun begins to climb up into the sky. I have much to worry about at this moment my son Cato, but right now I can only focus on him. The man who helped me survive the arena; the man who was at my side when nobody else could be. I breathe out slowly as I try to find the response he deserves to hear.

"Why would you want to die?" I ask him softly. At these words he tightens his grip on my hands and closes his eyes as if relieving his life through the images playing across his mind.

"I wanted to volunteer that year I was reaped; I thought maybe for once in my life luck was on my side. I could go into the arena and make them regret what they did to me. Make them pay for causing me to feel this strong hatred towards myself and towards the world. My parents," He trails off shaking his head softly.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to," I tell him as he reopens his eyes.

"They made me feel worthless as if I was worth less than the dirt beneath my boots. I let them get to me; I let them carve harsh words into the depths of my mind. I was pathetic enough to believe their words. They don't get to me as often now, but there are cases that I hear them. Those soft whispers of words that creep along the walls that I thought I would never have to hear again. When I was reaped I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. To the world they thought I wanted to spill blood, but I saw it as an escape." He breathes out his last sentence and pulls his hands away from mine pushing his hair away from his face.

I sit cross legged on the floor in front of him and watch him closely. I never knew one could harbour such hatred towards themselves for so long, but I can't help but wonder if he wanted to die why didn't he? Something had to have happened that forced him to change his mind. That one simple reason that glimmer of hope that we desperately cling onto to keep a hold of our sanity. What is it that I cling onto? My love for Cato? The hopes I have to watch Hunter grow up into a fine young man? To be able to grow old and joke about the good old days with Emerson? Or maybe it is a combination of all three that I cling onto.

"What happened that made you change or mind?" I ask suddenly ending the silence that had worked its way into the air around us.

"My District partner that is what happened," So much sorrow broils to the surface of his eyes as these words roll off his tongue and I can't help, but wanting to know more about her.

He remains quiet for a few more moments choosing his words carefully, "She was my best friend through everything and I wish everyday that we had gotten the chance to meet earlier in life. We connected right away and she showed me there is so much more to life than holding onto the despair that haunts our past. She had a beautiful outlook on life; always searching for the bright side that was hidden among the clutches of the shadows," A small laugh escapes his lips as he speaks. "You know this is the first time I have ever talked about Jayde since she passed away."

"That isn't necessarily a bad thing," I state simply.

"I know, I think this discussion is long overdue. You see Jayde had this aura surrounding her that drew people in. She was a favorite among the people of Panem, but I won't ever forget our final night in the Capitol. I won't forget the way the lights of the city casted a glow upon us as we sat on the ledge of the roof. I won't forget the way the wind played through her hair or the steady rhythm of her heartbeat next to mine as she sat next to me her head resting against my chest. That was the first time I felt peaceful in a long time; it's also one of the last times I ever felt that way. That night on the roof she told me a secret not many people knew about. She was sick, dying of a disease her family couldn't afford to purchase the medicine for. I told her if she won she could afford the cure, but she turned my words away. She was happy with how her life had played out because it led her to me," He looks down once again as he tugs on a chain around his neck where a single silver banded ring with a delicate sapphire gem rests.

I find myself speechless unable to utter a single word as Caleb continues to tell his story. I never realized how much depth there was to him; how much more there was to him that he kept safely hidden away from the rest of the world.

"I won for her; I'm still living for her. She died in my arms after a career got a hold of her," A single tear rolls down his cheek and I reach up and gently brush it away with my thumb.

"I understand," I say quietly and as we look into each other's eyes complete and utter understanding passes through us. I know what it is like to watch the light leave the eyes of one you care about. I know what it is like to feel the despair claw at your chest as you realize you will never get to hear their voice again. I know exactly what it is like to witness them draw their final breath as their eyes glaze over looking off into nothing.

"You should get home to your family; spend as much time as you possibly can with Hunter before the reapings are to take place," I nod softly as I stand up and turn to walk away. I turn around to face him one last time and watch the glisten of silent tears that roll down his cheeks. We all can't go on living like we can't feel a thing. I have learned that trying to do so is trying to do the impossible.

My emotions are slightly unsettled as I step outside and walk down the front steps of Caleb's home. The soft warmth of the sun beats down on me as I push the door open to my own home. I slow my breathing falling quiet not wanting to be asked how I am dealing with this right now. This is partly because I wouldn't know the right answer. I can't deny the fear that has been slowly eating away at me since the announcement of the Quarter Quell, but other than that what do I feel? I wrack my brain trying to sort out the array of emotions that have jumbled themselves up as I silently make my way upstairs.

I walk into Hunter's room where he lays bright eyed in his crib oblivious to the world around him. I can't help but smile softly at the innocence he holds as I pick him up in my arms. He squirms slightly, but eventually falls still once he finds a position that suits him. He looks up at me with those eyes that match my own; emerald green with soft golden flecks interwoven throughout the green.

"You look so much like your father," I whisper quietly to him as he reaches up with his small hand and places it lightly on my cheek. How is it that the eyes of a child can seem to be filled with a wisdom way beyond their years?

"How is that you seem to be able to see me so clearly?" A few quiet baby noises escape Hunter's lips as he continues to look at me with wide clear eyes.

"If I am to be reaped I will be making it home; I am not leaving you," These words swirl around me as another concept comes crashing down on me. What if Cato is too be reaped? I immediately push this thought away. There are many Victors in District 2 he should be safe from the horrors that lurk in the arena.

_He volunteered once what is there stopping him from doing it again?_

This small voice slithers its way into my mind and I quickly close my eyes. Hunter seeming to sense my tension lightly pulls on my hair trying to regain my attention.

"He wouldn't would he?" I ask out loud as I reopen my eyes.

Hunter just looks at me with those eyes that match my own and I study my reflection in their glossy surface. I guess I will only know the answer when the time comes.


	7. Friendships Lost Among The Wind

I sit cross legged on the floor of Hunter's nursery with him cradled in my arms; tomorrow the reapings are to take place. For all I know today could be the last day that I get to spend with my child. I run my hand softly through his hair as he looks up at me with wide observing eyes as if he is trying to memorize every one of my delicate features. It's still difficult for my mind to wrap around the fact that I have a child whose father I rarely see; forcing me to raise him on my own.

Fear wraps its way around my veins as I wonder what will happen to my baby if I am to lose my life to the Games. I close my eyes tightly as Hunter begins to squirm in my arms. I reopen my eyes once more; I take the bottle that rests beside me and begin to feed him. He takes the bottle in his tiny hands hunger clearly reflected in his eyes. It's difficult to remember that innocence such as this still does exist in our world of Panem. I breathe out slowly as my eyes follow the neat cursive writing of the note that lies on the floor in front of me. The moment it arrived and I saw who it was from I ripped the letter open. I must have read it over at least a dozen times by now.

_Dear Zoey:_

_I know some time has passed since we last spoke, but with the next Games rapidly approaching I am sure we will be seeing each other again soon but this time as mentors and not tributes._

_I know you must be stressing about the reapings, but you still have a chance of remaining safe back in District 9._

_This twist of events for this year's Quarter Quell is something nobody could have seen coming, but then again nobody saw all four of us surviving coming either._

_I don't like the fact that our Districts are keeping us apart, but we'll figure a way around that soon._

_I do want to be a part of Hunter's life; he needs to have a father figure._

_I'm sure you are doing a good job raising him, but you also better be taking care of yourself._

_I know the Games took their toll on you, but then again I think they took a toll on all of us._

_I still see them when I close my eyes; I just wish they would go away._

_Just stay strong for the reapings this will all be behind us soon._

_Sincerely Cato_

I brush my fingertips lightly across the paper, but I still fear that he will volunteer. I don't know why I fear this, but there is this little voice at the back of my head that continuously whispers that he wants the glory and that this time there will be no one standing in his way until he gets it.

The sound of Hunter's tired yawns snaps me out of my thoughts and draws me back into reality. I stand up holding him safely in my arms; at this moment in time he is the most precious aspect of my life. I never really wanted children, but then again I have learnt that the course of life never works the way you plan it to.

Choices we make are what have led me to this point, but I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I hadn't volunteered for the 74th Annual Hunger Games. I would still be attending school while nightmares didn't haunt me day and night. I would probably be with Emerson and I wouldn't have a child. Maybe Stark would have been crowned victor as the careers wouldn't have used me to draw him out of hiding. The more I think about my brother the more I blame myself for his death. If I hadn't been in the arena alongside him, or maybe if I had stuck with him and not the careers. I bite my lip softly as a single tear rolls off my cheek. I wasn't even strong enough to avenge his death; yet instead I am falling for the one who stole him away from the world.

I place Hunter gently into his crib as I turn around to see Emerson standing in the doorway watching me carefully. I want to be able to run into his arms and allow him to hold me, but after that kiss and after everything that has happened we won't ever be able to go back to that point. He has stood by my side since I returned home, but he doesn't look at me the same way anymore. I can see a small amount of regret fading in and out of the surface of his eyes as if he regrets ever feeling anything for me.

He walks closer to me and lifts his hand gently wiping away my single tear. I look up at him with eyes watching every movement that he makes. A small shiver runs through my body the moment his smooth skin comes in contact with my flesh.

"My mom said she would watch Hunter for the remainder of the day," He says softly his hand still placed gently on my cheek in a soft caress.

"Can we go to the woods," I say my eyes not leaving his. The serenity of the moment washes over me and I long to know the thoughts that are whirling around his mind. He fears this time he might lose me to the Games, or he will fully lose me to Cato. He drops his hand from my face as if he is finally realizing exactly what it is he is doing and reaches for my hand, but quickly pulls away.

Before he can start walking towards the door I take his hand in mine wanting to hold onto a piece of home. I see a shimmer of confusion flicker across his features, but he doesn't pull his hand away from mine.

With our hands interlocked in one another we make our way to our secluded area in the woods; that one place we can call our own. I glance over at him as we walk taking in all his features. My eyes trace the curve of his cheekbones then the length of his jaw line. My eyes take in the delicate curve of his lips that I have felt against mine if it was only once. I watch as the wind plays through his dark brown hair that falls casually into his most breathtaking feature; his eyes. Those ice blue orbs that have wisps of silver interwoven into them that I have looked into so many times before.

Emerson squeezes my hand lightly before he releases is hold on me and slips under the gate that leads into the hunting grounds of the woods that are not used as often anymore. I follow him shimmying beneath the cool metal and stand back up brushing away the dirt that clings to my clothing. We continue to walk in a calming silence as the sound of Mockingjays burst into song overheard. The leaves dance along the playful breeze as we walk further into the depths of the woods. The sun casts green shadows that explode along the grass creating the illusion of stained glass.

We reach our secluded part of the woods and I lay down in the grass the soft blades brushing against my skin. I stare up at the sky as Emerson lays down next to me his body lightly grazing against my own. I can feel the warmth emitting from his body letting me know just how close he really is to me.

The tension between us stretches out along the whispers of the wind. I swallow once not liking the confusion that has begun to spread all the way my fingertips.

"You know I never really got a fair chance," Emerson says suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I ask softly unsure of if I want to hear his answer or not.

"You left before I really had the chance to tell you how much you meant to me. I wasn't able to say everything I wanted to in those three minutes," He rolls onto his side gauging my reaction.

"How much I meant? As in past tense," My voice trails off as I absentmindedly begin pulling blade after blade of grass clean out of the ground.

He reaches over and brushes a strand of hair away from my face in one delicate movement, "Your with him now; you have a kid. I shouldn't still have feelings for you."

I breathe in sharply at his words wishing he could take them back. Why must he tell me this now? I hate the way he is making me feel in this very moment, but at the same time I don't want this feeling to vanish. I want the security that Emerson makes me feel, but with Cato it's just something so much more than safety. I knew falling for him would be dangerous, but I allowed myself to become drawn into those crystal clear orbs of his. I allowed myself to get lost in the moment his lips first brushed against my own.

I look over at Emerson who appears to be trying to read my mind and I let my eyes follow the curve of his lip, but I quickly look away as a blush creeps its way onto my cheeks.

"Why would you do that?" Emerson breathes out questioning as to why I would allow myself to be memorised by his lips. No I wasn't memorised merely curious as to if they would make me feel the same way Cato's lips do.

I sit up sharply not knowing how to answer his question. "I don't know," Is all I am able to say as my heart hammers wildly against my rib cage. He sits up next to me studying me taking in my features. First his eyes fall over my forehead then down along my cheekbones. His gaze stays for a moment on my soft pink lips then to my nose then finally our eyes lock. Neither of us dare to blink once as my breathe catches in my throat the moment he begins to move in.

His lips are inches from my own and I feel as if the world around me has dissolved trapping me in this moment. Why can't things go back to the way they used to be; when we were nothing more than best friends. Why must emotions always make things harder on us then they have to be?

"Emerson," I whisper filling the daunting silence that has filled the area around us; at a loss for words. The wind whips around us playing through our hair as if it is pushing us closer together.

He suddenly pulls back and stands up, "We can't be doing this; I should just go."

I nod softly as I watch his form vanish behind the trees leaving me alone once more. I breathe out not realizing I had been holding my breath. I pull my knees up to my chest as I stare blankly ahead at nothing. I fear now that I have really lost Emerson, but he deserves so much better then what I could ever give him. Is it selfish though that I don't want him out of my life? That I still want him to at least be my friend even after everything I have put him through?

"I hate emotions; I hate everything to do with love," I say to no one. I don't understand how something that is meant to make you feel pure bliss can cause just as much if not more pain. My brother would just tell me it's a part of life; that bliss and pain go hand in hand as one cannot exist without the other. He was always the wise one seeming to know the answers to everything. I was always jealous about that quality of him as I was always the one with many questions with no answers.

I trace small circles into the grass as I allow my eyes to fall shut. One would think I would be afraid of the images I may see and one would be correct to a degree. I fear the horrifying images that play across my mind as if they were a movie, but much like love they are a part of my life I don't seem to be able to escape.


End file.
